You know ... A real one.
No teeth required.
But you should have a knife.
Now offer up unto God thanksgiving, like Seth did when he was two. "Lor-rd, thank you for guns. Thank you for pirates. And thank you for knife-s. Amen" Now you need good bread. Cornbread is best but in a pinch, Nickles twelve grain will do. And of course, you need tamaters - none of which are too ugly. The uglier, the better, serving as the finest of pre-dinner conversation pieces. If you have in your possession a definitive case of obesity, one slice of tomato will cover an entire piece of bread, no crust in sight. And by the way, if you raised it, congratulations.
Wipe a pavement of Miricle Whip to the bread, lay tenderly the flesh of glory upon it, add salt and light, and now if the urge strikes you, offer up unto The Lord a second season of thanks for coming up with the idea of these things we call a tomatoes.
Everybody thinks Eve sank her pearly whites into an apple. There is no proof and I think it was a tomato.
Now if you'll excuse me, It's time to eat.
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